An REBT Perspective!
Breakups are a universal human experience, yet people react to them in very different ways. Some find it painful but manageable, gradually moving forward, while others experience deep despair, struggling to let go for months or even years.
Why does this happen?
From the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), the answer often lies in how we think about relationships, the meaning we assign to them, and the way we interpret our singleness.
A common reason some people struggle more with breakups is that they wonderfulize their partner, seeing them as the one perfect person, the ultimate source of happiness, and the key to a fulfilling life.
In REBT, this falls under the category of unhelpful beliefs, where we turn desires into rigid demands. Instead of thinking, “I deeply enjoyed this relationship, and I will miss it,” a person may think, “I must have this person in my life, or I will never be happy again.”
This belief not only exaggerates the significance of the lost relationship but also leads to awfulizing singleness—seeing it as unbearable, shameful, or a sign of personal failure. Instead of viewing single life as an opportunity for growth, they may think, “Being single is terrible, and I can’t stand it,” reinforcing their emotional distress.
The shift :
Instead of believing one person is the sole key to happiness, recognize that deep, meaningful connections can happen multiple times in life. People are unique, but they are not irreplaceable.
Singleness is a neutral state, not a deficiency. It isn’t good or bad, it’s what we make of it. It can be a time for personal growth, new experiences, and self-discovery.
Heartbreak isn’t caused only by the loss of a person but by how we interpret that loss.
Healthy, reciprocal relationships provide emotional support, companionship, and opportunities for growth. Research consistently shows that strong social connections contribute to overall well-being, reducing stress, increasing resilience, and even improving physical health.
Breakups are hard, but they don’t have to be unbearable. By changing our mindset, we can move forward with resilience, embracing both the joy of relationships and the opportunities of being single.
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Suman Khanna
Counselling Psychologist,
Founder Mind Unwind
